Connecting Happiness and Success: A Guide to Creating Success Through Happiness by Ray White

Author:Ray White [White, Ray]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Xilo Media
Published: 2014-06-04T21:00:00+00:00

Chapter 15

Community, Giving, and Charity

“The Master has no possessions. The more he does for others, the happier he is. The more he gives to others, the wealthier he is.” Lao Tzu

Being kind to others actually makes us happier. Helping people requires you to see them in a good light. If you reach out to help people rather than avoid them, you have to make the transition in your mind from judgment or fear to empathy and compassion. It also creates a reciprocal reaction in them in the form of a smile or eyes that are bright with appreciation, which then makes you happier, creating a virtuous circle. That circle continues as they move to the next person, still thinking positively about you, and share that smile with someone new. Think about a woman in business attire walking towards the same building as you. She has a sour or put-out look on her face. Your initial thoughts might be that she is mean or angry and you should avoid her. But a thought flashes through your mind: what if she has had a bad morning, or what if she is concentrating on what she has to get done at work today? So you open the door for her. She looks up, at first confused, and then recognizes the kindness you are offering. Her look changes from sour to a smile as her mind clicks away from whatever was bothering her to appreciation of this small gesture. Her smile makes you smile, and you are both likely to carry that smile into the elevator and the office. This doesn’t work every time; but you will become happier as you find new ways to be thoughtful and kind to people, whether they reward you with a smile or not.

Practicing acts of kindness releases serotonin into your brain, which makes you feel happier. People who observe an act of kindness also have serotonin released into their brain. So doing something nice not only makes you happier; it also brings happiness to anyone that happens to be watching.

Helping others gives us the opportunity to use our strengths or hobbies that we don’t get to use at work. Cooking for others or building a house with Habitat for Humanity could be two examples. Helping others also serves as reinforcement that we are good people. We all like to think that we are, but helping others is the concrete proof that we should feel good about ourselves. It connects us to people in ways we might not expect as we get surprised by other people’s positive reactions to what we are doing. Helping others helps us find a sense of meaning, and helps us see how fortunate we are.

Kogan and team found that giving without expecting anything in return significantly improves our mood. Also, the more authentic we feel about our motivations (in other words, the more we truly feel we are doing it for them and not for ourselves), the greater the improvement in our mood.

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